I have worked on this post for a very long time, it is hard for me to write intelligently. It is also hard to revisit all the emotions this post brings up. So if it is a rambling post that does not make sense please do not hesitate to let me know!
I remember being a young teenager, 13 yrs or so, telling everyone I knew that I wanted to be a missionary when I grew up. I wanted nothing more than to show the love of Jesus and spread God's Holy Word.
I think I was a senior in High School before it became abundantly clear to me, I was NOT going to be a missionary, EVER! In my young mind, I felt not having funds to attend Bible college, not being independently wealthy, that my dream wasn't going to happen.
I accepted this decision and proceeded to get married at 20 and have a baby at 21. I never forgot about my dream as a young child, but realized that God had a different plan for my life. I remember sitting in church at times listening to the missionaries, loving their stories, amazed at what they have seen and squelching any green envy bugs. I was happy with the path of being a mom and wife. Honestly happy.
Fast forward to 4 years ago!
I still remember my first trip to Uganda, we had a court date in Jinja for adopting our children. The trip was stressful from the word go. So many questions that had too many answers and no definite answers. Chris, my son Alex and myself were spending hours in prayer that court would go smoothly and we would have no 'bumps' in the road.
Meanwhile, I was miserable in Uganda, the 2 yr battle to get my children home and adopted was wearing on my nerves. The morning of our court date I knew something was not right, I just felt it, I was praying without ceasing, constantly pleading with God that all would go smoothly and that He would remove the sense I was feeling that all was not right. I was definitely NOT in love with Uganda, in fact, my feelings were I was never going to return to this country, EVER!
We all go to court, sit for hours, wait patiently, and finally are escorted into the judges chambers, he looks straight at me, and then at our lawyer, and says, "I do not have time to hear this case today! I have to deal with this murder!" Our lawyer does her best to attempt to convince the judge that the fate of orphans is just as important as a murder, he is not buying her story and dismisses us. We get a new court date, in 2 1/2 months. I was so disheartened that my feelings for Uganda bordered on hate at this point, (as I look back on the events I can now see that my feelings are all adoption/stress related).
We return home to the states, as my husband holds me in his arms I can still remember looking up at him and informing him that i am NOT going back under any circumstances and that he may return and do the next court date all by himself. My husband, being the smart man that he is, just says yes dear, anything you want, because he sees that I am an emotional mess. He waits a week and patiently explains to me that he will be happy to go with me on the next trip but that I needed to go, as he did not feel he was capable of getting all the paperwork organized. I reluctantly agreed to return.
Now here comes the awesomeness of God! My husband and I stay is scheduled for 3 weeks, we arrive the day before court. the judge hears our case, PTL, but I am still not in love with my childrens country! We are patiently waiting for our rulings from the judge. My husband and I are spending time together for the first time in our lives without children. We are enjoying ourselves as best we can as we wait and wait.
We were there for around a week, when I looked at my husband and said, I love it here, could we please move here? I am astounded those words came out of my mouth, my husband is literally staring at me with his mouth open, and he says, "Who are you and what did you do with my wife?" I starting laughing at that point, and said, God is so incredibly beautiful and amazing that He changed my heart about 1 minute ago and now I cant get enough. I was not even praying for God to change my heart, I had not even considered that prayer, but God knew, and had plans for our family!
Now when you look at the whole picture, of a seed He planted when I was but a young child, to today as we are donating, selling, and packing our lives for a move to Uganda to be what? MISSIONARIES!!! God is good ALL the time, and even though we, as mere humans, questions why events happen, He has a reason, a greater purpose, an awesome lesson for us, His children.
Romans 8: 26-28
26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. 28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
To God ALL the Glory!
Blessings, Angie
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